I am going to buy butter today. I foresee three possible outcomes, because I know the government monitors what I buy and sooner or later they will have something to say about it:
- The government will arbitrarily decide that a certain amount of butter is extravagant. The amount I buy will be over the accepted amount, mostly determined by the fact that I pay for my own. They will deem it their responsibility to come take some of my butter. They will give it to someone who has been complaining that I have too much butter. The recipients will use the money they save by not having to buy their butter to buy things like cigarettes, because that is their right. Congressmen will be exempt from butter limits.
- The government will cite some new study, approved by the FDA (Food and Drug Administration), and funded by margarine companies, that concludes butter is the cause of disease and early death. Not only that, but butter might get on the children, leading to a desire for butter. Thus, the government will declare it their moral duty to tax butter. The revenue from such taxes will somehow find its way into the pockets of congressmen, who will use it to buy butter.
- The government will declare butter to be illegal. If I am found in possession of butter, I will have to pay thousands of dollars in fines AND go to prison. All my belongings will be confiscated and sold, and the proceeds will be used to buy butter for congressmen. More police will be hired to handle the evil butter black market. When they find stashes of butter, they will take some home. Lots of TV shows and movies will be made honoring the police risking their lives hunting down butter traffickers.
Those who disagree with any policy chosen will be labeled rebellious, mentally ill, a danger to society, unpatriotic, and selfish. Enjoy your butter while you can. (No animals have been harmed in the writing of this article)
