Pregnant Mothers No Longer Allowed to Buy Tar and Pitch

reported by BNP via the Exodus Examiner

After a Hebrew baby was found floating in the Nile River in a basket covered with tar and pitch, merchants are now prohibited from selling those waterproof substances to pregnant women. The legislation, which was quickly put into place, also includes limits on how much tar or pitch a merchant can stock in any given week.

Those who rely on tar and pitch to do things like maintain their boats or care for their animals are complaining about the subsequent lack of supply and high prices.

The baby boat incident, as it has been dubbed, involved a young Hebrew mother, Jochebed Levi Kohathson, placing her three month old son in the water near the Pharaoh’s residence. She was charged with negligence and child abuse until Pharaoh’s daughter hired her to take care of the baby.

Mrs. Kohathson said she was only trying to keep the baby safe from crocodiles. Her lawyer had been in the process of making a case showing that if the baby had been just three months younger, it would not have been considered worth saving.

The Pharaoh’s press secretary released a statement that the child, named Moses by his new mother, will return to the palace once he is weaned. There he will be raised as the Pharaoh’s daughter’s son.

When asked how the question of his cultural identity would be handled, reporters were told that Moses would get the best of both worlds. His adoptive mother will provide him with a prince’s education, enhanced by meaningful exposure to his heritage. The press secretary hinted that Pharaoh agreed to this arrangement because he plans to use Moses to manage the Hebrew sector.