Can you rank these hardships?
- loss of bodily function, i.e. due to illness or injury
- abusive parent, i.e. physically and/or street dog mean
- betrayal, i.e. by someone you trusted, friend, spouse, often followed by abandonment
- economic hardship, i.e. seeing years of hard work vanish
- death of a close loved one, i.e. spouse, parent, or child, they are irreplaceable
- unrealized hopes, i.e. never even getting the things others dread to lose
I can’t rank them, and there are probably more that could be added to the list. Just like with physical pain, each person’s loss is particularly his or her own. It is his or her heart that feels like it is being crushed, his or her tears that are wrenched from the insides. And it is that person that needs to choose how the hardship is going to impact the rest of life.
Observation in this fallen world shows that every person will sooner or later experience some sort of potentially devastating loss. If nothing else, everyone you know will eventually die. These are the brutal facts. We are all helped by comfort when we must face horrible difficulties, but I see no basis for claiming that a certain category of hardship legitimizes special rights to be angry and demanding of unique recognition.
There are understandably distinct qualities common to types of hardship. These can be starting points for learning to trust your Creator on a deeper level or they can be used as excuses for manipulating others. I think part of the challenge with accepting hardships is admitting our own sin is instrumental in causing them. This is not to say that we directly cause all the bad things in our lives, but that every person begins with a sinful heart, thus sin is in the world, affecting it until the final redemption of creation.
I rejoice greatly with the freedom that I have from sin due to the sacrifice and power of Jesus Christ, but I accept that my sin is part of the whole mess. I am not an innocent bystander, just a saved one. By the grace of God, I will not let my hardships make me hard and selfish toward other people or my God.
Suggestion for reading: The Quest for Cosmic Justice
Comments welcomed –
I couldn’t rank those hardships. The things that seem most terrifying to me might not seem like the worst to someone else. Also some things that I used to greatly fear, having already gone through them, don’t scare me anymore. For example when we miscarried our baby – that was something that I had particularly always feared happening. I don’t really ever want to go through that again, but I no longer fear that pain the way I did.
I wholeheartedly agree with your conclusion. No matter how terrible the circumstance and how great the pain, you aren’t justified in becoming bitter and angry.
You may have heard the saying “The same sun which melts wax hardens clay.” Your pain can soften you, making you more compassionate and trusting in God, or it can harden you, making you bitter and unpleasant to be around.
Great thoughts, Rachael. I appreciate you adding your personal story to it. Hugs.
It is so easy to feel justified in anger & self-pity.
There are many times I have felt righteously furious with someone, confident that there is nothing they could do but apologize for treating me badly. Then, I usually find out that there was something else bearing on their actions. Something I didn’t know about and didn’t allow for when judging their reactions. Understanding someone else’s point of view is a tricky thing – even when you think you know them well, you are not them. You can never know exactly what is going through their head at any one point.
In many cases, I find that my anger was the unjustified reaction. Or, even, that while I was angry at something I felt was directed at me inappropriately, there was an entirely different train of thought in their mind.
From childhood through adulthood, the pressure points in my life will never exactly match someone else. All we can do is give the situation to God, confess and repent of our own sin, and be gracious and loving towards everyone else – whether or not we are sure we know where they are coming from.
Colossians 3:13 says: “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgives you.” (NIV)
And, of course, God’s forgiveness is utterly unmerited.
Good points, Heidi –
Comments welcomed –
I couldn’t rank those hardships. The things that seem most terrifying to me might not seem like the worst to someone else. Also some things that I used to greatly fear, having already gone through them, don’t scare me anymore. For example when we miscarried our baby – that was something that I had particularly always feared happening. I don’t really ever want to go through that again, but I no longer fear that pain the way I did.
I wholeheartedly agree with your conclusion. No matter how terrible the circumstance and how great the pain, you aren’t justified in becoming bitter and angry.
You may have heard the saying “The same sun which melts wax hardens clay.” Your pain can soften you, making you more compassionate and trusting in God, or it can harden you, making you bitter and unpleasant to be around.
Great thoughts, Rachael. I appreciate you adding your personal story to it. Hugs.
It is so easy to feel justified in anger & self-pity.
There are many times I have felt righteously furious with someone, confident that there is nothing they could do but apologize for treating me badly. Then, I usually find out that there was something else bearing on their actions. Something I didn’t know about and didn’t allow for when judging their reactions. Understanding someone else’s point of view is a tricky thing – even when you think you know them well, you are not them. You can never know exactly what is going through their head at any one point.
In many cases, I find that my anger was the unjustified reaction. Or, even, that while I was angry at something I felt was directed at me inappropriately, there was an entirely different train of thought in their mind.
From childhood through adulthood, the pressure points in my life will never exactly match someone else. All we can do is give the situation to God, confess and repent of our own sin, and be gracious and loving towards everyone else – whether or not we are sure we know where they are coming from.
Colossians 3:13 says: “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgives you.” (NIV)
And, of course, God’s forgiveness is utterly unmerited.
Good points, Heidi –